How to Heal People Pleasing Before Baby Arrives
If you tend to say yes when you mean no, worry about keeping everyone happy, or feel responsible for other people’s emotions, you may be experiencing people pleasing. And preparing for parenthood can be a powerful time to begin changing that pattern.
What Is People Pleasing?
People pleasing can develop as a trauma response. When past experiences taught you that speaking up, having needs, or disappointing others could lead to conflict or disconnection, keeping others happy may have become a way to feel safe and connected.
Over time, this can make it difficult to recognize and communicate what you need.
How Can People Pleasing Affect New Parents?
The transition into parenthood is an especially vulnerable time. You’ll likely need support and asking for help can feel surprisingly difficult when you’re used to handling everything yourself.
New parenthood can also bring an influx of advice and opinions from well-meaning family and friends. Without healthy boundaries, you may find yourself saying yes to visits, advice, or favors that actually leave you feeling depleted.
Learning to set kind, clear boundaries allows you to protect your energy while accepting the support that genuinely feels helpful.
3 Ways to Start Overcoming People Pleasing
1. Notice when you’re mind-reading.
Are you assuming you know how someone else will feel if you say no? Pause and remind yourself that you are not responsible for managing everyone else’s emotions.
2. Pause before saying yes.
You don’t have to give an immediate answer. Try, “Let me think about that and get back to you.” This creates space to decide whether something truly works for you.
3. Practice asking yourself what you need.
Before automatically responding to someone else’s needs, check in with yourself: What am I feeling? What do I need right now?
These small practices can help you build the skills you’ll need to navigate boundaries and get the support you need during early parenthood.
When People Pleasing Feels Impossible to Change on Your Own
You don’t have to figure this out alone. EMDR therapy is an evidence-based approach that can help address the experiences and beliefs underlying people pleasing patterns, not just the behaviors themselves.
If you’re preparing for a new baby and want to feel more confident setting boundaries, asking for help, and honoring your own needs, therapy can give you a supportive space to begin that work.
Ready to Prepare for Parenthood With Healthier Boundaries?
Emily Feldt Shabel provides online EMDR therapy for people who want to heal people-pleasing patterns and build healthier relationships with their needs and boundaries.
Starting this work before your baby arrives can help you feel more equipped to communicate your needs, accept support from your community, and create a healthier transition into parenthood.
You deserve support, too.